Escape the stress trap: I don't have enough time.
“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt.
After reading this quote, I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. It links SO closely to one of the main complaints of my coaching clients: “I’m stressed because I don’t have enough time to get everything done.”
This topic takes at least a week to cover with clients, but I know how overwhelming this time of year can be and I want to help you with some tools so you may enjoy the holidays instead of just stressing over them.
Is your to do list a mile long? I bet when you stare at it you want to cry, your heart starts racing, and your breath gets shallow. I get it.
The truth is, we spend SO much time stressing out over “what” it is and wondering how we are ever going to get it done. This is WASTED time and energy.
First, let me caveat these tips with something major: we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves which are thrust upon us by society. When you’re in the thick of raising children, working, and/or taking care of elderly parents, sometimes this anxiety presents itself as perfectionism. We want to feel in control, so we set totally unrealistic and arbitrary goals for ourselves in attempt to not let our worlds implode. I’m not going to get into that topic now; it’s way too big (and that’s what coaching is for).
One of the reasons we never feel like we’re getting enough done, is because our brain wants to take the easy route. This is evolutionary – it’s not your fault. We want to conserve energy and take this simplest, quickest route to get out of pain. Say you have the following items on your to do list:
mail package
take out trash
write end of year performance reviews
do laundry
respond to random work emails
Can you guess what order your brain wants to tackle them?
*Hint* I’ll tell you what it’s saving for last: write end of year performance reviews.
It’s because that is the hardest. And, if we do the other things first, we’ll get to check off the other items on our to do list and that gives our brains a little hit of dopamine. We want to make progress on the to do list as frequently as possible, which is why we gravitate towards the quick wins.
But even after ticking off a few of the easy items on our to do list, we don’t feel much better and we stay stressed because the “big thing” is still looming on our list and in the back of our minds. And we are wasting energy subconsciously (or not so subconsciously) thinking about it.
Now, think of what it feels like when you get the “big thing” done. You know, the feeling when you hit “submit” on the major work project or when you finish holiday shopping? It’s like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. That is a huge dopamine hit.
You know what else happens, those positive emotions of productivity you get when you complete the “hard” things, energizes you to tackle other things. Some people even get a “runner’s high” feeling. (I don’t like to run, so I wouldn’t know exactly, but I do get such a rush when I make major progress on the list.)
So, here are a few pointers to tackle your to do list and feel less stressed:
1. Make a plan.
List the things you need to get done. For projects that have more than one step like “make Thanksgiving dinner” chunk it into smaller tasks (make menu; assign items to bring to guests; make shopping list; go to the store; etc.)
2. Do the hardest thing first.
Do the thing that will get you the result. Not just stuff that will keep you busy. Accept that it is going to be uncomfortable. Your brain will fight you. But once you finish, you’ll be in an energized emotional state which will contribute to future activity.
3. Schedule time on your calendar to do each task.
Have you ever said to yourself, I get more done when I’m busy? It’s because you have a deadline. This is where it’s at. Give yourself adequate time to get things done, but not too much time. I guarantee you will take as long as you give yourself time. For example: I gave myself 1 hour to write this blog. It took me 1 hour. If I gave myself 2 hours, it would have taken me 2 hours. When you set a realistic but limited time to get stuff done, you will be more focused and less distracted.
4. Manage your perfectionism.
“Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” We’ve all heard this a million times. It isn’t easy, especially because we’ve been conditioned to expect perfection from ourselves. Perfectionism is the mode we go into when we’re afraid of failing. If you’re willing to do “B” work instead of “A+” you’ll get so much more done. And, only you will notice it’s not “A+” work.
One final note on the incredibly unrealistic and unattainable expectations we put on ourselves. If you see anything on your to do list that isn’t necessary or feels like its purpose is to please someone else without any real benefit, consider crossing it off. I know how difficult it is to do this. But, if you really examine it, I guarantee you will find something. Think of not doing “the thing” as a deposit into your energy bank. Let this be your act of self-care today.
*Please excuse any typos. I only had 1 hour to write this. 😊