It’s that time of year when we hear a lot about gratitude. Raise your hand if your immediate reaction is an eye-roll...followed by feeling guilty for not being a decent human. You don’t have to be embarrassed. I get it. In fact, that’s still my gut reaction sometimes.

This Is Normal. You Aren’t a Bad Person.

It took me a LONG time to really understand what it means to cultivate gratitude – in reality, not theory. I’m not one of those women who laughs it off when her kid throws a tantrum in Target because I’m grateful for my “spirited” child. I’m the one white knuckling it and trying not to lose it and wondering when it will be Monday so I can go back to work because momming is hard.

So why is it important to practice gratitude? We hear about the benefits NONSTOP.

The experts have linked gratitude to a ton of things we all want in our lives: less stress; high life satisfaction; improved energy; stronger relationships; better health; resilience; enhanced self-esteem; and lower risk of depression (among other things).[1] All this sounds amazing.

But how do you start practicing gratitude in a way that feels authentic and not forced?

First, let’s be clear: gratitude doesn’t erase the hard things. Just because someone has it worse than you, doesn’t mean you’re not legitimately struggling.

And, it’s normal to need to remind yourself to be grateful, too. It’s okay to forget.

With those disclaimers out of the way, here are a couple strategies to help practice gratitude in a way that feels genuine, not Pollyanna-ish.[2]

Be grateful for WHO you have.

Think about someone in your life who has loved you, encouraged you, or taught you. Take a moment to reflect about how and the effect it’s had on your life. If you want long-lasting feel good vibes, write it down. Or, go all in, and tell the person.

Be grateful for HOW things happen.

Before bed reflect on your day and think about one thing that has happened – an event or circumstance or moment of serendipity. Walk through the details: who was there? how did you feel before, during, and after. It doesn’t need to be something “big”. It may be something like:

My kids were being awful at dinner and wouldn’t eat what I cooked. Instead of yelling, I took a big breath and stayed calm. I felt proud that I didn’t lose my temper.

Be patient with yourself as you integrate these practices. Gratitude helps connect us to humanity and build self-compassion. And let’s be real, we could all use a little more of that.

[1] https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6823/10-Benefits-of-Gratitude.html

[2] https://positivepsychology.com/positive-psychology-interventions/

practice gratitude that feels authentic – not obligatory.