It’s that time of year when we hear a lot about gratitude. Raise your hand if your immediate reaction is an eye-roll...followed by feeling guilty for not being a decent human. You don’t have to be embarrassed. I get it. In fact, that’s still my gut reaction sometimes.

This Is Normal. You Aren’t a Bad Person.

Me and my girls.

It took me a LONG time to really understand what it means to cultivate gratitude – in reality, not theory. I’m not one of those women who laughs it off when her kid throws a tantrum in Target because I’m grateful for my “spirited” child. I’m the one white knuckling it and trying not to lose it and wondering when it will be Monday so I can go back to work because momming is hard.

So why is it important to practice gratitude? We hear about the benefits NONSTOP.

The experts have linked gratitude to a ton of things we all want in our lives: less stress; high life satisfaction; improved energy; stronger relationships; better health; resilience; enhanced self-esteem; and lower risk of depression (among other things).[1] All this sounds amazing.

But how do you start practicing gratitude in a way that feels authentic and not forced?

First, let’s be clear: gratitude doesn’t erase the hard things. Just because someone has it worse than you, doesn’t mean you’re not legitimately struggling.

And, it’s normal to need to remind yourself to be grateful, too. It’s okay to forget.

With those disclaimers out of the way, here are a couple strategies to help practice gratitude in a way that feels genuine, not Pollyanna-ish.[2]

• Be grateful for WHO you have.

Think about someone in your life who has loved you, encouraged you, or taught you. Take a moment to reflect about how and the effect it’s had on your life. If you want long-lasting feel good vibes, write it down. Or, go all in, and tell the person.

• Be grateful for HOW things happen.

Before bed reflect on your day and think about one thing that has happened – an event or circumstance or moment of serendipity. Walk through the details: who was there? how did you feel before, during, and after. It doesn’t need to be something “big”. It may be something like:

 My kids were being awful at dinner and wouldn’t eat what I cooked. Instead of yelling, I took a big breath and stayed calm. I felt proud that I didn’t lose my temper.

Be patient with yourself as you integrate these practices. Gratitude helps connect us to humanity and build self-compassion. And let’s be real, we could all use a little more of that.  

[1] https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6823/10-Benefits-of-Gratitude.html

[2] https://positivepsychology.com/positive-psychology-interventions/

“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt.

After reading this quote, I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. It links SO closely to one of the main complaints of my coaching clients: “I’m stressed because I don’t have enough time to get everything done.”

This topic takes at least a week to cover with clients, but I know how overwhelming this time of year can be and I want to help you with some tools so you may enjoy the holidays instead of just stressing over them.

Is your to do list a mile long? I bet when you stare at it you want to cry, your heart starts racing, and your breath gets shallow. I get it.

The truth is, we spend SO much time stressing out over “what” it is and wondering how we are ever going to get it done. This is WASTED time and energy.

First, let me caveat these tips with something major: we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves which are thrust upon us by society. When you’re in the thick of raising children, working, and/or taking care of elderly parents, sometimes this anxiety presents itself as perfectionism. We want to feel in control, so we set totally unrealistic and arbitrary goals for ourselves in attempt to not let our worlds implode. I’m not going to get into that topic now; it’s way too big (and that’s what coaching is for).

One of the reasons we never feel like we’re getting enough done, is because our brain wants to take the easy route. This is evolutionary – it’s not your fault. We want to conserve energy and take this simplest, quickest route to get out of pain. Say you have the following items on your to do list:

• mail package

• take out trash

• write end of year performance reviews

• do laundry

• respond to random work emails

Can you guess what order your brain wants to tackle them?

*Hint* I’ll tell you what it’s saving for last: write end of year performance reviews.

It’s because that is the hardest. And, if we do the other things first, we’ll get to check off the other items on our to do list and that gives our brains a little hit of dopamine. We want to make progress on the to do list as frequently as possible, which is why we gravitate towards the quick wins.

But even after ticking off a few of the easy items on our to do list, we don’t feel much better and we stay stressed because the “big thing” is still looming on our list and in the back of our minds. And we are wasting energy subconsciously (or not so subconsciously) thinking about it.

Now, think of what it feels like when you get the “big thing” done. You know, the feeling when you hit “submit” on the major work project or when you finish holiday shopping? It’s like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. That is a huge dopamine hit.

You know what else happens, those positive emotions of productivity you get when you complete the “hard” things, energizes you to tackle other things. Some people even get a “runner’s high” feeling. (I don’t like to run, so I wouldn’t know exactly, but I do get such a rush when I make major progress on the list.)

So, here are a few pointers to tackle your to do list and feel less stressed:

1. Make a plan.
List the things you need to get done. For projects that have more than one step like “make Thanksgiving dinner” chunk it into smaller tasks (make menu; assign items to bring to guests; make shopping list; go to the store; etc.)

2. Do the hardest thing first.
Do the thing that will get you the result. Not just stuff that will keep you busy. Accept that it is going to be uncomfortable. Your brain will fight you. But once you finish, you’ll be in an energized emotional state which will contribute to future activity.  

3. Schedule time on your calendar to do each task.
Have you ever said to yourself, I get more done when I’m busy? It’s because you have a deadline. This is where it’s at. Give yourself adequate time to get things done, but not too much time. I guarantee you will take as long as you give yourself time. For example: I gave myself 1 hour to write this blog. It took me 1 hour. If I gave myself 2 hours, it would have taken me 2 hours. When you set a realistic but limited time to get stuff done, you will be more focused and less distracted.

4. Manage your perfectionism.

“Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” We’ve all heard this a million times. It isn’t easy, especially because we’ve been conditioned to expect perfection from ourselves. Perfectionism is the mode we go into when we’re afraid of failing. If you’re willing to do “B” work instead of “A+” you’ll get so much more done. And, only you will notice it’s not “A+” work.

One final note on the incredibly unrealistic and unattainable expectations we put on ourselves. If you see anything on your to do list that isn’t necessary or feels like its purpose is to please someone else without any real benefit, consider crossing it off. I know how difficult it is to do this. But, if you really examine it, I guarantee you will find something. Think of not doing “the thing” as a deposit into your energy bank. Let this be your act of self-care today.

*Please excuse any typos. I only had 1 hour to write this. 😊

We all feel stressed at times. You notice your nerves are always on edge. Maybe you’re snapping more at your partner and kids (I’ve been there…and it’s a constant battle). You want to find a way to better manage your stress. You’re going to start a meditation practice…soon. Or, you plan to make working out a more regular part of your busy schedule. But, what can you do when you’re running late for work, your kid spills juice on you, and then you get stuck in traffic?

In another blog we’ll deal with the mindset traps of why you feel like you have no time for yourself. But, for now, let’s try to manage your stress.

Before reading any further, STOP! Let your tongue fall away from the roof of your mouth. Now, release your jaw so isn’t clenched anymore. Better?

Tip 1: Tense and Release

When we get stressed, we often complain of muscle tension. It may sound counter-intuitive but tensing your whole body (in an intentional way) then actively releasing it can help you bring awareness to areas you’re holding tension, then allow you to let it go.

Close your eyes and inhale deeply through the nose. Moving up progressively from the feet tense body parts, hold for a count of three, then let go with a big exhale through the mouth. While you can do the whole body at once, try spending a few minutes to work your way up through the body – think left and right sides of the body (feet, lower legs, knees, thighs, hands, arms, shoulders, etc.), then shifting to the low belly, low back, mid belly, mid-back, chest, upper back, neck, face, jaw, eyes. Take a few more deep breaths then open your eyes.

Tip 2: Body Scan

In times of high stress your body is literally calling out to you. Muscle pain, shallow breathing, headaches, stomach pains. Body scans can help to ground you in the present moment, bringing awareness to what is going on, instead of allowing you to continue on a downward spiral into your stress. By acknowledging your body’s response to stress, without judgement, you can change your relationship to stress, out of control emotions, and even chronic pain.

Allow your eyes to close. Beginning at the crown of your head move evenly down through the body. Just noticing. Not judging or trying to change anything. Try to give equal attention to areas that feel good or neutral as to those areas of discomfort or pain. Passively acknowledge each sensation as an outside observer, without being tied to the experience. Complete the session with a few deep energizing inhales through the nose and exhales through the mouth.

If you prefer a guided relaxation, download one to your music or podcast files. I love the Headspace app. It has exercises as short as 1 minute across a variety of mindfulness and stress-reducing themes.

Tip 3: Shake it Off

Chances are you’ve heard about the many positive benefit of physical exercise on improving our ability to manage stress, in addition to the well-researched physical, emotional, and cognitive benefits. However, in moments of high stress we usually can’t run out to the gym or drop into a yoga class. In the acclaimed book by neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky called Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, he argues that animals are immune to chronic stress is because they know how to dissipate it. Think of a possum after it plays dead. The first think it does is get up and shake. Then it goes back to its day – living in the moment, not being anxious of what is to come or the stress-inducing moment that just passed.

By taking a cue from the animal kingdom, we can burn off stress and the buildup of stress hormones by literally shaking it off. For a few minutes just move in all directions. Swing your arms, shake out your legs, jump up and down. Release the stress and enjoy the mental and physical reset induced by shaking.

Tip 4: Belly breathing

Take a moment to check in with your breath. Many of us are in the habit of shallow breathing into our chests, particularly in times of stress. Get out of that “fight or flight” state with deep belly breathing – or diaphragmatic breathing.

Start by lying down on the floor with your knees up or sitting comfortably in a chair, relaxing the neck and shoulders. Place one hand on your belly, just above your navel, and the other hand on your upper chest. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose allowing the breath to fill your belly. Allow the hand on the belly to rise with the inhale, without actively pushing out through your stomach. Exhale slowly through pursed lips, pulling the belly towards your spine by engaging your abs. The hand on your chest should generally stay still. As you start this practice try doing it a few times a day for 2 minutes and gradually build up to 5-10 minutes. If you feel lightheaded, return to your normal breathing and stay seated until it passes. With regular practice diaphragmatic breathing will become easier and maybe even automatic.

Tip 5: Legs Up the Wall

Okay, this one may be difficult to do in any moment, but with a little creativity you can usually find a place. (When I had an office with a door on it, this was one of my favorite afternoon refreshers). This position comes from the restorative yoga pose Viparita Karani (or Legs up the Wall). Bringing our legs over our head provides a change of perspective with a number physiological benefits: it relieves tired legs from standing and sitting; it reverses our circulation allowing blood to flow more easily to the heart and the head; and, it induces a state of relaxing calmness by lowering the heart rate and slowing the breathing. To come into this pose, sit parallel to a wall with one hip against it, begin to rotate your torso down to the floor and perpendicular to the wall at the same time as your feet slide up the wall. Move hips a few inches (or more) away from the wall until you are comfortable. Allow your arms to rest on the floor to the sides of the torso in a “V” shape, palms turned up towards the ceiling. Take slow deep breaths in and out through the nose, trying to extend the exhale a few counts longer than the inhale. To make this extra comfy you can place folded blankets under your hips and head, supporting your neck. If you don’t have an empty wall, you can do a modified version by placing your lower legs on the seat of a chair with your torso on the floor. Stay here for up to 10 minutes.

While you’re working on your long-term plans to manage chronic stress, I hope you find these tools useful to use to overcome high stress moments.

Disclaimer: The information in this program is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional and is not intended as medical advice. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any illness or disease. If you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication, or have a medical condition, consult your health care professional before using products based on this content. You are solely responsible for your health care and activity choices.

If you’re overwhelmed by stress, seek help from a healthcare professional. Seek help right away if you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or of suicide or are turning to drugs or alcohol to cope. You can find resources to help you find a mental health provider by visiting www.nimh.nih.gov/findhelp.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from clients and friends is how exhausted they are by everything they have to do. They want to make changes and have heard a bunch of things they should do (hello, gym) but they’re overwhelmed and don’t know how to fit in one more thing when you already don’t have time for yourself.

I totally get it. I’ve been there and I would be lying if I said I still don’t have those days. So, after years of self-experimentation, research, and working with clients, I thought it would be helpful if I shared what I have found to be the 3 most effective ways to boost energy, when you don’t have much time. That’s exactly why I created this guide for 3 Steps to Boost Energy. You can do them in as little as 10 minutes total, broken up throughout the day.

I imagine you’re skeptical (I would be, too). You’ve probably read so many tips on how to improve energy and reduce stress. But, most of the time, those messages sound so out of touch because they can’t tell you how you’re actually supposed to do it when you’re already maxed out.

This guide will tell you exactly how to fit them into our busy days. Start by integrating 1 or 2 of these practices each day. Sustain it for a couple days before adding more. You’ll notice some of these tips have almost immediate results on your energy, while others will be more effective with continued practice. We are aiming for consistency.

As you adopt more of these practices and make a part of your daily life, you will be amazed at the changes. You’ll have more energy, feel less stressed, and snap less at your kids and partner (or is it just me that does that?).

I want to share my story of how I finally gave myself the permission to prioritize my own wellbeing.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a sunny fall afternoon in mid-October 2012, and my husband and I were sitting in the office of my new neurologist. I was waiting to hear her thoughts of why my limbs were numb, my spine was tingling, my vision was worse, and why I was so exhausted that I could barely make it out of bed even after 10 hours of sleep. Then she just laid it out there in a way that was simultaneously clinical and compassionate: “You have multiple sclerosis.”

I felt the walls begin to spin and tunnel vision set in…you know that feeling right before you pass out. As they laid me on the table, I felt like I was watching this scene unfold as if I were floating above my body looking down. I remember being surprised that this was my reaction because, in the back of my mind, I was completely expecting this diagnosis. I was a textbook case. I thought I was prepared. But, hearing those words knocked the wind out of me. The rest of that appointment was sort of a blur. We discussed treatment options. I was told I needed to reduce my stress and be patient during what would be a long recovery.

A week before my MS diagnosis

Then, because I’m a mom and that doesn’t stop even after an MS diagnosis, I got in the car and drove to pick up my then 15-month old daughter from daycare. Perhaps the saddest part of that drive was me thinking “this gives me the excuse to take care of myself.”

It took me years after my MS diagnosis to finally realize and accept how much stress I was under. I spent my 20s and early 30s in grad school and working in DC, raising two little girls, and running myself ragged. From the outside it probably appeared like I had it all together. But under the surface, my nervous system was going haywire, I suffered from depression, anxiety and extreme fatigue. My brain was foggy, and my body hurt. I was always on the verge of snapping at my kids or my husband.

In attempt to unwind my cycle of chronic illness and stress, I tried a bunch of things (acupuncture, yoga, gluten and dairy-free anti-inflammatory diets, pharmaceuticals, meditation, exercise, etc.). Turns out, those can all be helpful tools. But it wasn’t until I did the hard work of changing my relationship with stress that my life truly changed. I feel grounded. My mind is clear and focused. I’m energized. And strong. 

2 weeks after. You never can tell.

My MS diagnosis turned out to be the wake-up call I desperately needed, and for that I am grateful.

We all have our shit. I’m sharing this because I know I’m not the only one. What will it take to make it sink in that you DESERVE to prioritize your own health, wellbeing, and happiness? That you NEED to prioritize yourself.

So, that’s my story. I believe in this work so much that I left my career in global health and become a health coach and yoga teacher. I feel compelled to share it with other women who need it. I see you.

Drop me a message if you’re ready to make yourself a priority.

Drop me a message if you’re ready to make yourself a priority.

If I’m being honest, one of the things that has consistently caused me stress is dinnertime. I felt so much pressure to cook healthy meals, knowing how important good nutrition is for health, energy, brain development, etc. But dinnertime was a double-edged sword. I loved the idea of it, but in reality, this is how it usually played out:

Me, tired after a long day at work, but feeling hopeful, thinking I’d come up with the perfect, healthy meal my family will eat. Then as soon as someone asks, “what’s for dinner?” all hell breaks loose because one or both of my kids recreates the scene from The Exorcist because I made real chicken instead of the dinosaur-shaped chicken product they saw on TV. And it devolves from there. Crying (them always, me sometimes). Swearing (me always…though I try to keep it under my breath). My husband walking on eggshells afraid I will snap any minute and making a big production of “you have the best mom ever! Isn’t this delicious?!”. Repeat. Every. Night.

I was so sick of this pattern and the constant stress it caused me and the family. So, I changed a few things which has vastly improved family dinner meltdowns. And when they do happen, my emotional response is so much better. And, it saves so much time! You can meal plan and prep in less than 3 hours per week!

These are my guiding principles when it comes to dinner:

1. I choose mostly whole foods based and not from a crinkly package.

2. I pick meals that I like and that have the potential of being palatable to my kids. I used to ask for input from my family, but quite honestly, I rarely do that anymore because kids = unpredictable.

3. Then I stop thinking about it. Full Stop. I will never please everyone, so I’ve stopped focusing on it. They won’t starve. And, in the cases I make something truly egregious, I offer my kids an easy alternative* (more on this later).

So that helps with some of the emotional burden of cooking dinner, but there is still the logistics of it all. Enter meal planning and prepping.

Step One:  Set Realistic Expectations

If you rarely cook, don’t start out with trying to make dinner 5 nights this week. Pick 1 or 2 meals and make extra so you can have a decent lunch the next day or, ideally, have it for dinner again later in the week.

Step Two (30 minute):  Organize

Decide on the couple of meals you plan to make. Your meals don’t need to be elaborate. You can repeat them. Again, remember the actual experience of family dinner and not the one of your dreams. Print out or save the recipes. Add the items to your grocery list. Or, use my preferred method of putting items directly in your Instacart shopping cart so you can also avoid the grocery store altogether.

Step Three (30 min – 2 hours):  Gather Food

Refer to step two. Go to the store or order groceries. For me, ordering the majority of my groceries to be delivered has become such a time and energy saver. If I need to stop at a specialty store for something, I can just run in instead of spending 2 hours at the store. If you’re working traditional office hours, this will likely take place on the weekend. But if another day fits into your schedule better, go for it.

Step Four (15 min):  Schedule Meals

Make a calendar (mental or physical). Decide which meals you’ll have on which nights. Consider the nights that may be typically hectic with kids’ activities, meetings or any other obligations you may have. Then think about what the easiest meals would be to make on those nights. For me, that often means something I can put in the Instant Pot like chili or soup. And, do yourself a favor. Just double the recipe so you can have it another night. 

Step Five (1.5 - 3 hours):  Meal Prep

Be your own sous chef. Doing the bulk of the meal prep at once will save you SO much time both cooking and cleaning up!! I find it can be hard to get motivated for this step. Just keep reminding yourself it will make the weeknights easier. I promise.

• Cook grains, like rice, ahead of time for the week, then refrigerate and use them later in the week (add a little water when reheating). Most grains will keep for 3-5 days in the fridge.

• Be sure to have food defrosted if you’re using any frozen items like meat, chicken, fish, etc. Check what you need for the next day, the night before.

• Chop your veggies on the weekend or the night before to prep ahead of time and place in storage containers in the fridge. Also, decide which frozen veggies you can use instead of fresh (especially for stews, soups and some crock pot meals).

• Make any marinades, dressings, spice mixes or sauces in advance to save time on those busier nights.

• Don’t be a hero. Buy the pre-chopped onions or the marinated fish/meat from the deli. It will definitely save time and energy. And, though it may be a little more expensive, chances are it won’t go to waste like chicken you meant to marinate and prepare, but forgot about it until after the expiration date.

I’ll be honest – I fought this for a long time because it just seemed too time consuming, but now that I do it on a regular basis, it’s so much faster and easier. 

Once you start implementing a weekly meal plan, you’ll notice you feel less stressed over the dinnertime rush.

Oh, one more little secret. If my kids start whining/fighting/yelling while I’m cooking dinner, I put my earbuds in and listen to a podcast so I don’t have to hear it. It can almost make the experience enjoyable.

Be well,

Kristin

P.S. – here are my alternative options when my kids are picky:

I rarely cook 2 meals. If the kids really hate what I made, they have the alternative of peanut butter and jelly, or the healthiest version of food they like. I’ve had to really lower my expectations here for my own sanity, but you do you.

• Whole grain or corn quesadilla with guacamole, carrots

• Hummus, whole grain pita bread and sliced veggie

• Chicken nuggets. Ugh. At least try to get the healthiest ones.